How to Talk to Girls About Friendship Boundaries and Conflict

Real Conversations to Build Confidence, Compassion & Communication Skills

Friendship is such a huge part of girlhood—full of joy, connection, laughter... and sometimes, confusion, conflict, and hurt feelings. For many tween and teen girls, even small bumps in a friendship can feel overwhelming. That’s why it’s so important to give girls the language, tools, and permission to set boundaries and work through conflict with confidence and kindness.

But let’s be honest—these conversations can feel tricky. How do you explain boundaries without making it sound harsh? How do you teach conflict skills without girls shutting down or getting defensive?

Here’s the good news: when you approach these topics with empathy, clarity, and curiosity, you create space for emotional growth and stronger, healthier friendships. Whether you're a parent, educator, group leader, or coach, these tips will help you start meaningful conversations that truly support the girls in your life.

💡 Key Takeaways

• Setting boundaries is not “mean”—it’s a form of self-respect and emotional safety

• Conflict is a normal part of friendship, and learning to navigate it builds resilience

• Girls need language, modeling, and safe practice spaces to grow these skills

• You can lead powerful conversations just by being honest, open, and compassionate

Start by Normalizing It
The first step? Let girls know it’s completely normal to feel confused, left out, or frustrated in friendships sometimes. You can say things like:
“Even close friends have disagreements.”
“It’s okay to want space or to say no.”
“You can be kind and still have boundaries.”
When you normalize hard feelings, girls stop seeing them as signs that they are the problem—and start seeing them as part of growing up.

Use Real-Life Scenarios
Girls learn best when they can see themselves in the situation. Create simple “what would you do?” scenarios that show common conflicts:

• Your friend starts hanging out with someone else and stops inviting you

• A friend shares something you told her in confidence

• You feel drained after hanging out with someone who constantly criticizes you
  Ask open-ended questions:
  What might you say? How would you want a friend to respond if the roles were reversed?
  This encourages critical thinking and emotional empathy.

Teach Boundary Language That Feels Doable
Many girls don’t know how to say “no” without feeling mean. Give them scripts that are clear but kind, like:

• “I’m not okay with that.”

• “I care about our friendship, but I need a little space right now.”

• “I want to talk about something that’s been bothering me—can we chat?”
  Practice saying these out loud. It might feel awkward at first, but it builds confidence over time.

Focus on Feelings, Not Blame
Help girls understand that how they feel is valid—even if the other person didn’t mean to hurt them. Use “I” statements to shift the focus away from blame:
“I felt hurt when you shared that without asking me.”
“I feel nervous when I’m stuck in the middle of a disagreement.”
This kind of language keeps the door open for communication instead of defensiveness.

Encourage Reflection Before Reacting
In the moment, drama can feel huge. Teach girls it’s okay to pause, breathe, and think before responding. Ask:

• What do I need right now?

• Is this a one-time issue or a pattern?

• Can I work this out or is it time to set a firmer boundary?
  Reflection gives girls ownership of their emotions—and a sense of calm control.

Affirm That Boundaries Are Brave
Setting boundaries can feel scary—especially if girls worry about being liked. That’s why your encouragement matters so much. Say things like:
“You’re allowed to speak up for yourself.”
“It’s brave to say how you really feel.”
“You deserve friendships that feel safe and kind.”
Affirm their courage every step of the way.

Model It in Your Own Life
If you're comfortable, share how you've set boundaries or worked through conflict in your friendships. This shows girls that even adults are learning and practicing too—and that it's totally normal to have ups and downs in relationships.

Create a Space Where It’s Okay to Practice
Whether you’re journaling, role-playing, or talking in a group circle, remind girls that these conversations are safe, supportive, and judgment-free. Let them explore what feels right for them. The more they practice, the more confident they become.

Ready to lead meaningful conversations around friendship, boundaries, and communication? Our Real Friends, Real You Workshop Kit gives you everything you need to guide girls through these essential life skills with ease and heart. Inside you’ll find ready-to-go activities, reflection prompts, discussion starters, and printable tools that help girls build stronger, kinder, and more confident friendships—from the inside out.

You don’t need to have all the answers. You just need to create the space. And trust me, you’re doing an amazing job already. Which of these ideas will you try first? Let me know how your girls grow through it—I’d love to hear!

-Kate