The Girl In the Mirror

for educators for girls empowerment leaders for parents for teens Sep 13, 2023

Looking beyond the mirror…


I’m ugly.

My nose is big.

I look fat.

I hate my freckles.

I hate my hair.

My ears are too big.

My lips are too small.

I’m too thin and boney.

I have frizzy hair.


Negative. Negative. NEGATIVE!!


A young girl’s mind, is like a never ending roller coaster. From the highs to lows, to the ups and downs; our brains are constantly flooded with so many unanswered questions. And questions that have been left unanswered for a really long time…until now that is.

Why is it, that, when girls look at themselves in the mirror; they are so quick to judge or shame themselves? And why is it, that, the first thing they do, is point out all of their imperfections? Also, why do young girls; from a very young age; criticize and judge the way they look? And lastly, why is this negative behavior, starting at such a young age?

Two reasons. Media and societal unrealistic pressures and expectations. Negative thoughts and feelings have always been around. And for as long as women have been around; which is a very long time; almost every young girl, in every generation, will have had a moment of hate or dislike about the way they look. And while it’s normal to not like certain things about ourselves; what’s not normal, is the ideology that girls and women need to look, act and think a certain way. And sadly, this is the reality of how many young girls are living today. And it truly is frustrating. We can love the way we look today, but then dislike ourselves every other following day. And it’s so darn confusing, because the shift and change is so instantaneous, that we just can’t make any sense of it. \

We never ask for it, and we sure as heck don’t want it, but, it just happens. It’s as if, on one random day, we wake up, and right there, facing us in the mirror, is a girl who looks like us, but who we don’t truly relate to or recognize. That is the face of a girl who may look like you, mimic what you say, but, is a total stranger in your mind. She has been chosen as society’s next big project. The girl to morph and transform into their unrealistic standards.  

And the question is, why? Society has always been the deciding factor on how girls are supposed to look like, or even how they’re supposed to act, and unfortunately, the sad reality is that, it’s always been dictated by men. Time and time again.

All the years of this harsh negativity has not only destroyed a young girl’s perception of herself, but it hasdistorted her authentic vision of who she is meant to be. It has truly stolen a part of our girls. A part so special, that they will have a difficult time getting it back. They’ve completely lost their power and their confidence. Two incredible powerful qualities that every girl needs to survive the crazy girl world. And years and years of generational trauma, that has been passed down to them, without their knowledge or consent.

It’s unfortunate how common this problem is. And I’ve seen this often enough, to know that it’s become a really big struggle in a young girl’s life. And the negative effects of this struggle, can sometimes lead to a future of mental health issues such as; eating disorders or body dysmorphia.  A negative mindset is so powerful, that just a few negative thoughts are strong enough to convince their minds that they are not good enough, or beautiful enough. Their minds become their biggest bullies, and their thoughts start to become a distorted reality.  And all of this will lead to years of sadness, depression, and unhappiness for many young girls. This can potentially become a disease, that will allow your daughter to fade away into this new unrealistic reality; where they will start to create new mindsets of whom they should be. And then sadly; they’ll transform into someone else. An altar ego. Another part of their being. But never their entire whole.

Todays generation of women, need to show our daughters, that they are beautiful just the way they are. They are unique in their own special way. And, their true beauty lies within them. And that will be the light that will make their outer beauty shine. Qualities such as: confidence, kindness, compassion, empathy and fearlessness; are only a few of the many that make up the perfect girl recipe. And when you add each of these beautiful qualities together; the end result will be astonishing. What you will get, is the most perfect combination ever; you will get one incredible amazing young girl. You will get, YOU!

So the next time Instagram or some social media post, shows you what they think is the perfect girl, look at yourself in the mirror and take a good look at the girl you see. Who is she? What does she like? What are her passions? What makes you shine differently then others?

Once you find those answers, blend them together, and find your recipe. Find your super power. Find YOU!  Embracing your weird, is what will make you stand out and shine. And if you follow these five simple tips, in no time, will you find your very own version of be-YOU-tiful”.

1. Show kindness in a daily basis. By showing kindness, you’re allowing yourself to do things to others that will surely make them smile. And that feeling will then be reciprocated to you, in a beautifully harmonious way.


2. Be fearless. Don’t be afraid to try and fail. Failure is the route to success-and yes, even if society says otherwise. You keep going until you reach your final destination. And once you do, you sprint and reach for that winning ribbon. YOU GOT THIS GIRL!


3. Be empathetic. Always ask yourself how that other girl would feel if they were in your shoes, and vice versa. Always stop, think, and truly feel with your heart. Empathy turns young girls into incredibly strong women.


4. Accept fear. Fear is a sign of intelligence. Having the ability to feel fear means you are smart enough to navigate out of challenging situations. And you’ll thrive-like a girl!!!


5. Be yourself. No one can tell you how to act or what to say. And they sure as heck, can’t tell you how to look. So embrace YOUR weird. Embrace the YOU in your beautiful but mostly, tell yourself how much you truly love and appreciate yourself. Love always starts with you.


So, with all that said, go and take a good long look a yourself in the mirror. And I want you to truly look beyond your reflection. Take a deep breath, smile the most beautiful smile you own, and tell yourself this, “I am beautiful. There is no one out there like me. And, I am one of my own amazing kind”.


~Rachela Farella - FearlesslyGiRL Facilitator & Founder of FearlesslyKiND Girl 


 Get To Know Rachela:

As a FearlesslyKind Girl mentor/facilitator; Rachela Farella has always wanted to make the girl world an empowHERing and more inspiHERing place. When her daughters were born, she knew that had she found her true calling; to help change the girl world, one kinder girl at a time.

Glow-getter, unicorn momma, and mentor/big sister to all the young tweens out there; Rachela’s mission is to redefine what being a tween is all about, and vows to help all of these amazing young girls, transform into, fearlessly kind girls.

Workshops, blog articles, and soon to be a Podcaster mom; the only message that she wants to send out to the girl world; is that, YOU can do it. YOU can be the shero to your own story and it all starts with, you!

So always remember girls, be that girl who will always empowHER and inspiHER; because kindness goes a long way.

Follow Rachela on Instagram here!



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